Matrimonial

Wanted Groom: ‘Parents of Nambiar family hailing from Kannur and well settled in Mumbai is looking for a suitable alliance for their daughter, aged 28 years, star Chatayam (Sudhajatakam) MBA, working for an MNC from well settled Nambiar/Nair boys. Interested may contact on…(mobile no…and email…)’.

Thus goes a typical matrimonial advertisement in the print media. The term ‘matrimonial’, which is defined by Oxford Dictionaries Online as ‘relating to marriage or married people’ and has its origin in ‘Late Middle English: via Old French from Latin matrimonium, based on mater, matr-“mother”’, is commonly used in contemporary India to refer to processes of matchmaking, specifically through print and online media advertisements, marriage bureaus and television matrimony. When a boy or a girl of marriageable age finds it difficult to get a ‘suitable match’, the obvious questions that people ask are: ‘Have you tried with the matrimonials (used often in the plural)?’; or ‘You should open a profile in one of the matrimonial sites’. This is primarily because ‘matrimonials’ provide wide-ranging options for people to find suitable partners for marriage. In fact, matrimonial classifieds and websites are becoming increasingly popular in the contexts of declining traditional social networks and the increasing mobility of people. The Internet and Mobile Association of India noted that profile uploads on matrimonial sites had increased to 1.96 million in January 2014 as compared to 0.85 million in January 2013—a year over year growth of 130 percent.11. See M. Muzaffar, ‘Closed Circuit Coupling’, India Today (9 July 2015) [http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/matrimonial-websites-dating-platforms-marriage-urban-youth/1/450379.html, accessed 30 Aug. 2015].View all notesThe influx of matrimonial advertisements in print and online media indicates not only changing social structures and identities, but also changing concepts of marriage, love and gender roles in contemporary India. Recently, the Indian newspaper, Mid Day, published the country’s first-ever gay matrimonial ad for gay rights activist Harish Iyer. Harish’s mother, Padma Iyer, posted a matrimonial ad for her son seeking a homosexual alliance, which drew both criticism and praise.22. H. Iyer, ‘I’m Gay, My Ma Placed an Ad Looking for Groom for Me’, NDTV.com (20 May 2015) [http://www.ndtv.com/opinion/im-gay-this-is-what-it-took-to-place-matrimonial-ad-for-me-764603, accessed 12 July 2016].View all notes Traditionally, the matrimonial needs of individuals were fulfilled by marriage negotiators/brokers and intermediaries. In Hindi-speaking areas, they are referred to as bichaulia; in Bengali, they are called ghatak/ghataki; and in Odisha and many parts of North India, they are referred to as madhyasthi. In her Marriage and Modernity, Rochona Majumdar argues that the ghataks played a significant role in arranging suitable matches for candidates in nineteenth-century Bengal.33. Rochona Majumdar, Marriage and Modernity: Family Values in Colonial Bengal (Durham, NC/London: Duke University Press, 2009).View all notes However, the relentlessly mercenary instincts of the ghataks and their false claims produced a ‘matrimonial trap’. The widespread mistrust of ghataks on the one hand, and the growth of the metropolitan middle class and its romantic conception of marriage on the other, led to the decline of ghataks and gave rise to matrimonial advertisements in caste journals and print media. Majumdar notes that the first matrimonial advertisement she came across was in 1875, and that by the 1920s, matrimonial advertisements and marriage bureaus had become widespread and constituted a regular feature of newspapers.

The information technology revolution in India radically transformed the matrimonial market. India’s inclusion in the global market economy and a boom in the general media landscape in the 1990s led to a proliferation of online matrimonial sites which are different from online/Internet dating sites such as OkCupid, Tinder and Truly Madly. While, via online dating sites, one finds a date, ‘usually with the objective of developing a personal, romantic, or sexual relationship’, on matrimonial sites individuals sign up primarily to find marriage partners. Some of the major online matrimonial portals are Shaadi.com, Bharatmatrimony.com and Jeevansathi.com. Certain of these portals have customised their services to cater to the different linguistic and ethnic communities across India and abroad. For example, Bharatmatrimony has developed over 325 community-exclusive matrimony sites like Bengalimatrimony, Oriyamatrimony, Assamesematrimony, Tamilmatrimony, Gujaratimatrimony, etc. According to a recent New York Times report, there are more than 1,500 matrimonial websites operating in India today.44. G. Harris, ‘Websites in India Put a Bit of Choice into Arranged Marriages’, The New York Times (24 April 2015) [https://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/26/world/asia/india-arranged-marriages-matrimonial-websites.html, accessed 12 July 2016].View all notes These commercial portals are very popular amongst the urban educated middle class who consider ‘love’ important for marriage. Such portals also appeal greatly to the Indian diaspora, as marriages through these sites combine the Indian ‘tradition’ of arranged marriage and the ‘modern’ Western notion of love and romance. Furthermore, because of being outside India, the diaspora has lost access to traditional matchmaking services in its country of origin, and in such situations, the online matrimonial sites provide excellent opportunities to ‘arrange love’ or find a ‘suitable match’. Kaur and Dhanda note that ‘matrimonial websites represent a globalising face of marriage’ and these websites allow diaspora and Non-Resident Indians ‘to practise “nation” with the homeland no longer being a distant memory, but to be actively engaged with’.55. Ravinder Kaur and Priti Dhanda, ‘Surfing for Spouses: Marriage Websites and the “New” Indian Marriage?’ in R. Kaur and R. Palriwala (eds.), Marrying in South Asia: Shifting Concepts, Changing Practices in a Globalising World (Hyderabad: Orient Blackswan, 2014), pp. 272–275.View all notes As well, several popular books have come out recently describing the importance of romance in matrimonial matches—Kavita Daswani’s For Matrimonial Purposes (2004), Parul Mittal’s Arranged Love (2012), Hetal Adesara’s Matrimonial Mocktales (2014) and Ira Trivedi’s India in Love (2014) are some examples.

It is not just books that have become popular—wedding and matrimonial programmes have become so popular on Indian television that Shagun TV has launched a 24-hour matrimonial television station which telecasts round-the-clock wedding entertainment programmes to India and the diaspora. The contents of the programmes are both non-fictional and fictional. On one of the non-fiction shows, ‘Toh Baat Pakki’ ‘So It’s Final’), couples are invited to discuss the matchmaking process and the initial events leading to their engagement. Similarly, based on the matchmaking process, Sony Entertainment has launched a matrimony-based reality show, ‘Kahin Na Kahin Koi Hai’ (‘Somewhere There Is Someone’). Some channels have also organised shows based on a swayamwar (historically, a ceremony at which the bride makes her choice from among several suitors) in which Bollywood celebrities spend weeks judging participants and then choosing one to be their spouse, as, for example, ‘Rakhi Ka Swayamwar’ with starlet Rakhi Sawant; ‘Bachelorette India: Mere Khayalon Ki Mallika’ with actress Mallika Sherawat; ‘Veena Ka Vivaah’ with Pakistani actress Veena Malik; and ‘Ratan Ka Rishta’ with TV actress Ratan Rajput. These matrimonial shows have not only become popular and so ensured high ratings for the channels (even though, often, the celebrity backs out of formalising the marriage), they have also inspired middle-class youth to find their loves and soulmates.

The ‘arranged marriage’ system, which was grounded in caste endogamy and patriarchal gender hierarchy, is undergoing a transformation. ‘Love marriages’ are increasingly preferred by the young because they are based on mutual love and romance and because they facilitate compatibility between partners. However, the continued strong hold of caste and community in Indian social life often makes it difficult for people to fall in love and marry. For instance the Khap panchayats in North India, which support honour killings, proscribe love and inter-caste marriages.

The online matrimonial technologies transgress geographical boundaries and provide more autonomy to candidates in ‘arranging’ their own marriages. Specifically, ‘saying yes’ reflects how the young have exercised ‘agency’ and independence in selecting partners. The new technologies and online matchmaking processes defy the fixed categorisations of love and arranged marriage and have given rise to what Madhu Kishwar has called the ‘self-arranged’ marriage,66. Madhu Kishwar, ‘Love and Marriage’, in Manushi, no. 80 (1994), pp. 11–9. View all notes which combines the best of both worlds. Though caste and religion still play important roles, secular indices like education, work profile, financial status and outlook have emerged as the main criteria for mate selection in self-arranged marriages.

Unlike the marriage advertisements in the print media, online matrimonial profiles provide much more detailed information about a candidate’s age, caste, religion, education, career, family background, complexion, lifestyle, attributes, expectations, and so on, aimed at helping clients select the most suitable and compatible partner. Contacting prospective brides or grooms and expressing affinity become much quicker and easier in the online space; access to mobile phone numbers, emails and online chatrooms provide opportunities to get to know and understand one another better and to fall in love, often resulting in marriage. As Vineet and Suwarna’s testimonial from August 2015 reveals:

A chance meeting, Destiny, Fate, Luck etc. call it whatever you think but we think our coming together was set up long long ago. We were members on Shaadi.com for some time & did meet some compatible alliances but they were just not to be our life partners. We met each other when we were on the verge of losing hope of finding a Soul mate. Skeptically we started talking first & don’t know when we just fell in love with each other. The personal information & pictures on Shaadi.com helped to build an image about each other which has broadened over the time & Yes we are settling down as Husband & Wife. Thanks Shaadi.com for being the bridge to join us together.77. ‘Vineet & Suwarna’, ‘Shaadi Pride’ (2 Aug. 2015) [http://www.shaadi.com/shaadi-info/matrimonial-success-stories/wedding?id=13558, accessed 30 Aug. 2015].View all notes

The success stories posted on similar websites highlight the attainment of the ideals of romantic love in (arranged) marriages. The business of matchmaking, performed in open-market matrimonial negotiations, has not just helped brides and grooms find their ‘perfect match’, ‘soulmate’, ‘right person’, ‘life partner’, ‘true happiness’, and so on, they have also helped strengthen the ‘community’ through what Dumont called ‘endo-recruiting’.88. Louis Dumont, Homo Hierarchicus: The Caste System and Its Implications (Chicago, IL/London: The University of Chicago Press, 1980).View all notes The modernity of matrimonials has reinvented the traditional marriage system, combined the best of both love and arranged marriage, and provided ‘individual’ as well as ‘social’ compatibility to candidates and their families.

AcknowledgmentsI would like to thank Assa Doron, Craig Jeffrey and Meera Ashar for giving me the opportunity to contribute this piece. I would also like to thank Naveen Thayyil, Swargajyoti Gohain and the anonymous reviewers for their very valuable comments and suggestions, which helped improve the structure and coherence of the paper.

Disclosure Statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author.

____________________

Sahoo, S. (2017) “Matrimonial,” South Asia: Journal of South Asian Studies, Vol.40, Issue.2, pp.354-357.

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